Sometimes sexy means a secluded, romantic space where you and your partner can spend hours, um, appreciating each other’s winning personalities. Other times, you want luxury, indulgent accommodations right in the middle of a city. Occasionally, sexiest hotels can even be trashy, flashy, and out-and-out ridiculous. So our list includes the very best of every category: these are the best hotels around the world.

Lime Wood Hotel, Hampshire

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When flowers and chocolate aren’t going to cut it, Lime Wood will. Book into the Mud House, where you can sensually slather soothing clay over each other – or dump him and opt for a soothing massage and a few laps of the pool.

Le Royal Monceau, Paris

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The sexiest of all Parisian hotels, designed by Philippe Starck, no less. Which means flattering lighting and sensuously curved leather chairs, not to mention the mirrored-everywhere bathrooms, supersized beds and lots of booze in the minibar. The Pierre Hermé macarons are surprisingly good the next morning.

Soho Farmhouse, Oxfordshire

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Stay in one of the cabins with a kids’ bunk room downstairs. They’re far enough away so you can make the most of the spacious master suite upstairs while they’re asleep. Better yet, leave them in the Teeny Barn while you ‘reconnect’ in your open-air bath with a just-mixed negroni, then stroll over to the Main Barn for enjoyably irritating people-watching. You’ve not had this much to talk about in years.

Le Sirenuse, Amalfi Coast

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As the Amalfi sun streams into your perfect room, with its perfect tiled floor and perfect vintage pictures of birds, landscapes or classical prints, it’s almost impossible NOT to shag to the chiming of the bells of Positano’s Santa Maria Assunta church. Then order exquisite pasta through room service and eat it postcoitally on your balcony as you stare at the pastel buildings built into the cliff face. No need for conversation.

Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park

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Nothing says ‘I’m sorry for being a dick and I’m throwing money at the problem to try and fix it’ like a whacking great suite. The new Joyce Wang-designed ones at the Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park have lots of tactile surfaces to consider rolling around on, great big marble bathrooms to spend time in when s/he is being annoying and epic London views, so you can sightsee without getting out of bed when you’ve decided it’s going to be OK, after all.

 

Post Ranch Inn, California

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The Big Sur cliffside villas and treehouses are secluded, so you can yell at each other with abandon; the forest hikes are perfect for letting off steam. But it’s also toweringly romantic – you could totally get it on in your stainless-steel outdoor hot tub and no one would know.

 

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The Idle Rocks, Cornwall

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It’s all about the location, and the joyful views from your room’s window seat of the changing sea and the boats coming and going in the harbour. The staff in the snazzy restaurant downstairs are outrageously good-looking, which is always fun, and then it’s back upstairs for the afternoon with you. Stroll hand in hand to sister property the St Mawes Hotel for an early-evening bottle of rosé and a reminder that you like each other really quite a lot.

Claridge’s, London

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If a night of hard work (ahem) doesn’t do the trick, you can pop over to the shops on Bond Street in the morning to alleviate the anguish. If it’s gone very well, there is no better breakfast in bed.

 

The penthouse at The Sanderson, London

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An enormous modern space, where you can undress lasciviously behind sheer-curtain walls, share a shiny bath and imagine what it would be like to live together – it’s like a vast deluxe flat. Also has its own lift for extra excitement/discretion.

 

Amangiri, Utah

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Leave the kids behind and head to the Utah desert, but beware – it is quiet here. So quiet you can hear your heartbeat. But that means you can sleep, wake up and gaze out at the lunar-like landscape, then drift back to sleep again, then wake and have sex with your other half and go back to sleep. Repeat until you feel like a human being again. Top tip: the outdoor yoga sessions are an almost religious experience and you can go back to sleep afterwards anyway.